Career Center >> Department of Defense >> Parody of Homeland Security
Parody of Homeland Security
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Posted 8 months ago Okay, so I stole the following pictures from a website but this is pretty funny stuff.... " The US government has a website, http://www.ready.gov. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII. The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations below. Enjoy! Note: This parody site was built for fun. For the serious stuff, see our friends protecting our great country at http://www.ready.gov or the Department of Homeland Security at http://www.dhs.gov " |
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| Posted 8 months ago
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run
Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.
No pyromaniacs admitted. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
To eliminate smallpox, wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with no sink.
The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now.
If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead. |
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| Posted 8 months ago
In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please..
"Wash your hands" of traditional long distance telephone providers.
After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it. |
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| Posted 6 months ago EXCELLENT MATERIAL IT SHOULD BE IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!! |
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| Posted 2 months ago I shared this with some of the people down here in IRAQ they got a good laugh out of it |
